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Satire Current Events And Politics

mico · 3 · 1391

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Online mico

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on: August 11, 2014, 05:26:36 PM
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  • Binay-Roxas
    Reports have quoted Vice President Binay as saying a Binay-Roxas tandem “is one of the things being considered [for 2016].. You develop unity among political parties.” Their common friends say it’s a good idea; Binay’s critics say it’s a good sound bite.

    Slapped
    An irate Quezon City Mayor Herbert Bautista slapped a suspected Chinese drug dealer who was apprehended the other day. But the suspect still managed to smile after realizing he’s so lucky he was nabbed in QC, not in Davao City.

    Prayerful
    Janet Lim-Napoles’s lawyer Stephen David says the suspected pork barrel queen prays 2,000 Hail Marys everyday. Out of habit, 40 to 50 percent of her prayers go out to her lawmaker-friends.

    Lawyer Stephen David says his client Janet Lim-Napoles prays 2,000 Hail Marys everyday. Again, 2,000 according to the lawyer! Even Mother Mary was like, “Echosera kang abogado ka!”

    ————————————————————————–
    “First, accept sadness. Realize that without losing, winning isn’t so great.”
    ~Alyssa Milano

    Sound Bites
    “The possible consequences of further international spread are particularly serious in view of the virulence of the virus, the intensive community and health facility transmission patterns, and the weak health systems in the currently affected and most at-risk countries. A coordinated international response is deemed essential to stop and reverse the international spread of Ebola.”
    ~World Health Organization


    credit to: Professional Heckler
    « Last Edit: August 11, 2014, 05:28:20 PM by mico »


    "Ignorance of the law excuses no man - from practicing it. "


    Online mico

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    Reply #1 on: November 29, 2016, 02:01:23 AM
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  • CLIMAX: CONGRESS UNCENSORED



    IF THERE’S a case against Leila De Lima, she must be charged and tried in the court of law. If the allegations are proven to be true, she must face the consequences of her actions. But first, Leila De Lima must be shamed – at least according to Filipino congressmen and their online cheering squad.

    Just when you thought, the Lower House couldn’t get lower, Nov. 24 happened. In case you missed it, here’s the unedited, uncensored transcript of the sixually-charged portions of Thursday’s hearing at the House of Representatives.


    six
    Congressman A: Minahal mo ba si De Lima?

    Ronnie Dayan: Minahal ko po.

    Congressman A: Totoong pagmamahal?

    Ronnie Dayan: Tama po.

    Congressman A: Kung ganun, ilang beses kayo nagse-six noon sa loob ng isang linggo?

    Ronnie Dayan: Ano pong kuneksyon niyan sa droga?

    Congressman A: I would like to remind you Mr. Witness. You are under oath! Inuulit ko: ILANG BESES KAYO NAGSE–six SA LOOB NG ISANG LINGGO?!

    Ronnie Dayan: Sige, sumigaw pa kayo. Ilakas n’yo pa para malaman ng lahat kung gaano kayo kaatat magtanong tungkol sa six! May mikropono na, sumisigaw pa. Sige, heto ang mikropono ko para dalawa na. Go, sigaw pa! Pati sixual position, gusto n’yong ikuwento ko?

    Congressman A:

    Ronnie Dayan:

    Congressman A: ‘To naman. Nagtatanong lang. Ang dami agad sinabi!

    UNDER OATH
    Congressman B: Ikaw ba ay nangulekta ng pera mula sa drug lords sa Bilibid para kay De Lima?

    Ronnie Dayan: Hindi po.

    Congressman B: Sigurado ka?

    Ronnie Dayan: Opo.

    Congressman B: I am reminding you, you are under oath.

    Ronnie Dayan: Hindi nga eh. ‘T*ng in*.

    Congressman B:

    Ronnie Dayan: Sorry naman. Na-carried away lang. Ang kulit n’yo kasi.

    TAKSIL!
    Congressman C: Ito na lang: kung hindi ka nangulekta ng drug money sa Bilibid para kay De Lima, minahal mo ba siya?

    Ronnie Dayan: Opo.

    Congressman C: Ilang years naging kayo?

    Ronnie Dayan: Pito po.

    Congressman C: Ibig sabihin, nagtaksil ka sa iyong asawa?!?

    Ronnie Dayan: Sino po bang hindi nagtaksil sa asawa? SA MGA CONGRESSMAN NA NANDITO NGAYON, SAGUTIN N’YO PO AKO, SINO SA INYO ANG HINDI NAGTAKSIL SA ASAWA? IKAW SIR, HINDI KA BA NAGTAKSIL SA IYONG ASAWA? SINO SI CATHERINE, ‘YONG DATING SCHOLAR MO SA PROBINSYA NA GINAWA MONG RESEARCH ASSISTANT?!? SAGOT!!!

    Congressman C:

    Ronnie Dayan: Nagtatanong lang sir. Kung ayaw mong sagutin, ‘k lang. Walang pilitan.

    NECESSARY
    Female Solon: This line of questioning is necessary to establish your closeness to Senator De Lima. Sana ay maintindihan kami ng publiko. Moving on, may asawa ka ‘di ba?

    Ronnie Dayan: Opo. May asawa po ako.

    Female Solon: May asawa ka pero nakiapid ka kay De Lima. May mga anak kayo pero iniwan mo ang iyong misis para sa kanya. Anong klaseng asawa ka? Anong klaseng ama ka? At anong klaseng tao ka?

    Ronnie Dayan: Bakit ganyan ka manghusga ma’am? Hinusgahan ba kita nang ipatayo mo ang Cebu International Convention Center noong 2006 na walang public bidding? Hinusgahan ba kita nang sampahan ka ng 11 counts of graft ng Ombudsman? Hinusgahan ba kita nang ma-indict ka dahil sa katiwalian?

    Female Solon:

    Ronnie Dayan: No further questions ma’am. You may proceed. Thank you.




    CLIMAX
    Congressman D: Ang pagmamahal mo ba kay De Lima ay tapat, wagas, at dalisay?

    Ronnie Dayan: Tama po sir.

    Congressman D: Ibig sabihin, hindi lang ito init ng katawan?

    Ronnie Dayan: Hindi po.

    Congressman D: Saan ito nag-climax?

    Ronnie Dayan: Ba’t po ganyan ang inyong mga tanong?

    Congressman D: ‘Wag mo akong husgahan gago. In aid of masturbation legislation ang ginagawa namin.

    DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
    Congressman E: Totoo bang nag-away din kayo ni De Lima noon?

    Ronnie Dayan: Totoo po sir. Kasi nalaman kong may iba na s’ya.

    Congressman E: Anong ginawa mo noong nag-away kayo?

    Ronnie Dayan: Sinampal ko po siya sir.

    Congressman E: SINAMPAL MO!?!? Ka-babaeng tao sinaktan mo? Wow. Sana nag-isip ka muna.

    Ronnie Dayan: Sana sir inisip n’yo rin ‘yan bago n’yo sinaktan ang asawa n’yo noon!

    Congressman E:

    Ronnie Dayan: Tumatakas pa nga siya noon para makaiwas sa pananakit n’yo ‘di ba?!?

    Congressman E:

    Ronnie Dayan: Humingi pa nga s’ya noon ng tulong sa women’s groups ‘di ba?

    Congressman E:

    Ronnie Dayan: And worse, nang ‘di na niya makayanan

    Congressman E: ‘T*ng in* mo manahimik ka gago!!%$# Mr. Chair, I move for a one-minute suspension.

    six VIDEO 1
    Congressman F: Totoo ba ang tsismis na may six video kayo ni De Lima?

    Ronnie Dayan: Hindi po. Eh kayo sir, totoo ba ang tsismis na may six video kayo ng dating sixy actress na si V***** V**** noong 1980s?

    Congressman F: Dapat kasi ‘di na ako nagtanong eh. No further questions Mr. Chair.

    SALAT
    Congressman G: Sabi mo, may dinala kang pera kay De Lima galing kay Kerwin Espinosa pero ‘di mo alam kung magkano?

    Ronnie Dayan: Tama po.

    Congressman G: Sigurado kang pera? Bakit ‘di mo alam kung magkano?

    Ronnie Dayan: Hindi ko po sinilip. Sinalat ko lang.

    Congressman G: Ang hilig mo kasing magsalat!

    Ronnie Dayan: Ano pong pangalan n’yo sir?

    Congressman G: Harry. I am Congressman Harry Roque.

    Ronnie Dayan: Ang baboy n’yo po.

    Congressman G:

    Ronnie Dayan: Joooke.

    KABIT
    Female Solon 2: So inaamin mong naging kayo talaga ni Senator De Lima.

    Ronnie Dayan: Tama po.

    Female Solon 2: Pamilyado kang tao. Ibig sabihin, kabit mo si De Lima?

    Ronnie Dayan: Hindi ko po itinatanggi.

    Female Solon 2: No further questions Mr. Chair.

    Ronnie Dayan: Excuse me ma’am, kayo po ba si Congresswoman Baby Arenas?

    Female Solon 2: Oo, ako nga. Bakit?

    Ronnie Dayan: Kababayan ko po si dating Pangulong Ramos.

    Female Solon 2:

    Ronnie Dayan; #justsaying

    six VIDEO 2
    Congressman X: Totoo bang may six video kayo ni De Lima?

    Ronnie Dayan: six video po??

    Congressman X: Oo! six VIDEO!

    Ronnie Dayan: Wala po.

    Congressman X: I am reminding you Mr. Dayan: you are still under oath! Again, ang tanong ko: may six video ba kayo ni De Lima?

    Ronnie Dayan: Wala po.

    Congressman X: So hindi totoo ‘yung napanood ko sa Pornhub.com?

    Ronnie Dayan: Hindi po.

    Congressman X: Edited lang ‘yong nakita ko sa MangKanor.net?

    Ronnie Dayan: Malamang sir.

    Congressman X: Punyeta! Bukas na bukas din, I am going to file a bill that will punish people who upload fake videos on porn sites. Panloloko ang ginagawa ng mga ‘yan!

    —————————————————————————————————————-
    “Did freedom have to mean abolishing common decency?”
    ~Francine Rivers, ‘A Voice in the Wind’

    Sound Bites
    “It is not surprising that there is a surge in the number of sixual harassment cases against our women both online and off. The dishonorable behavior of our lawmakers has reinforced this despicable culture since the beginning of these investigations.”
    ~Sen. Risa Hontiveros

    Bay of pigs.




    credit to: Professional Heckler


    "Ignorance of the law excuses no man - from practicing it. "


    Offline naruto789544

    Reply #2 on: February 07, 2017, 11:39:49 PM
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  • hahaha... galing naman ng congressional hearing na ito... question pa more....  :))


     


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