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Tambayan ng mga Chicx at Tsonx => General Discussion => Love & Relationship => Topic started by: ThrashMetal on August 28, 2015, 01:17:06 AM
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I want to talk to an expert for this matter to give me some advice.. this might take long so if you are not fond of reading some long and stupid stuff, you may skip.
Almost three weeks ago, my gf broke up with me citing 'i need to fix myself'. I dont know what to be fixed because i thought everything was fine. So i objected and asked her what is the problem. I insisted that everything was okay. She just looked at me right in the eye, tears flowing down her cheeks and left me no answer.
I did not take it seriously at first. The only thing that was running on my mind that time is 'it's her loss, not mine.' Sounds like stupid, isn't it? To be honest with you, this feeling is entirely new for me. Being dumped by a girl. That was the first time a girl broke up with me. Normally, i am the one who do the 'break up thing.' So im not used to it.
After a few days, i started dating some of the finest girls i've met; pretending to enjoy their company while obviously, i dont.
And then on August 24-25, 2015 a user of one of the forum sites i regularly visit, made a research about me. He is gay. (i dont hate gays.. i just didn't like his way of approach). He said that he wants to know more about me. I dont want my personal life being dragged on this website. so naturally, i became upset. Really. I mean, who would not?
After exchanging messages with the person, i said some harsh things about him. I was sarcastic at the highest possible level.
And that was the point i realized what problem my ex-girlfriend was talking about. I became too cocky, sarcastic, and i did not appreciate her worth like i used to. Im not sweet. I hate corny and cheesy things but i care for her. Alot.
So yeah. I dated other girls. I felt like this would make me feel well and normal again. But i was wrong. I Just realized how much i have lost.
I want the girl back.
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I don't know how you could get your girl back. I was never in that position, most of the time to me once tapos na, tapos na. Perhaps others can give you a better perspective.
Probably this isn't the answer you're looking for, but my only advice is for you to try to become a better person, better than the one she knew. If you are worst off now than when she left you, para mo nadin sinabi na oo, she made the right decision by cutting her loses and ditching you.
Become the best that you can be and try to remember not to bring other people down. Nobody likes a guy like that. It takes a small man to do that, but it takes a bigger man to raise people higher. Be a bigger man and show cherished people in your life what you could offer.
Good luck with whatever decision you choose to make.
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I have been to this type of situation. What I did is I assessed myself before I go to sleep, asking questions like "What went wrong?". Being alone sometimes will help you think of what just happened. Girls won't act that way if there's nothing wrong. There are times like you can't see your mistakes, but only a situation could make you realize it, your story is an example wherein you notice yourself not sweet, insensitive but protective. Sometimes caring with someone will make you blind on one corner. There are other things that you should consider, one of these is what she needs. Think of the things that she likes and dislikes about you. Flaws are natural, it's up to her if she can accept you for that, but that doesn't mean you keep it that way. You don't have to change yourself, but at least try to improve for her. You might have missed a lot of things that she badly needs. If you want to win her back, be sincere and try to talk to her. Make her feel that you realized what just happened and you don't want to lose her. Push that with actions, not just words. Do improve yourself.
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Thanks for the responses @sir Prime and @sir Arthas.
Im not sweet ever since. But i can guarantee you that i make efforts and surprises. Minus the cheesy and corny dialogues. Lol. I think she's just fine with that. Because we've been together for almost two years. I dont think we'll get this far if she's not okay with that. I am a quiet yet sometimes sarcastic as they say. You two are right. I dont need to fully change my personality. I just need to improve myself.
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Two years..
I can say your Girlfriend fully accepted you as you are...kung hindi , you wont last that long together. Tama ka sa observation mo. But sometimes you know...since alam mong masyado kang blunt and sarcastic...you hurt her sensibilities. Naghahanap kase kami madalas ng lambing. Well not actually that silly non sense sweet talk...but yun bang mahinahon...dahan dahan na salita. Direct but not too blunt. Different approach ika nga. Subtle but nandun yung gusto mo sabihin.
Men are technical...while women are emotional. Kapag nag uusap...men tend to explain and address the problem and and tackle immediately the probable cause and solution. And babae hindi ganun. When we say something...we just want to unload ..naghahanap ng stress reliever...ganun.
E kayo bilang lalaki apprehensive...lumalabas ang nature ng pagka....problem solver...provider ( ng answer at solusyon) kaya you opt for a technical response...without tjinking about her feelings...na overlooked mo yung fact na ..it is not probably what she "needed" ...and "wanted" on that moment.
Oo nga naman how would a man know all about it...kung hindj pag uusapan hindi ba? I admit that our ways..(women) varries from being weird...and most of the time unpredictable and sad to say....nutty.
Quite mental isnt it? Pero ganun talaga e...kapag direct the point na sagot from you...sarcastic ang dating sa amin nun. ..siguro the best thing to do is try to talk to her...be patient. Hold your tongue...let her talk..just listen...matatapos din pag a unload nyan...pagkatapos umiyak...at alam mo ng wala na syang msasabi...
Hold her. There is an immense feeling of relief and comfort sa yakap mula sa inyo....and remember, during those moments when our feeling and sensibilities are still "sore" and troubled...you dont have to be "technical"....try to be just the man..whom she loves..dahil wala naman kaming gustong maringgan ng opinion at suggestion...kundi kayo lang.
Dont just TALK...
Reach out to her.
Dont be blunt and too direct
Be subtle...speak..but in low tones.
Ibulong mo kaya?
Most of the time..we dont need immediate solutions to our problems..
We just need to feel your presence during those crucial moments.
But i compliment you...kase you readily accept the fact na sarcastic ka...and that is one good reason to start over. Not all men can admit their flaws. but you did...im sure your gf will gladly take you back.
She dealt with that flaw of yours for two years...she must have loved you very much ...so dont blow your chances.
Go get her back... :P
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Tama ka miss schy.. kahit gaano karaming babae parin ang ma-encounter mo. Sa school, sa environment na ginagalawan mo at yung mga nakikilala mo, pakiramdam mo alam mo na ang lahat tungkol sa kanila. Kung paano sila mag isip, etc. Pero mali eh. Mahirap intindihin ang mga babae.
Thanks miss Schy... i'll think about that..