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Tambayan ng mga Chicx at Tsonx => General Discussion => Topic started by: fayt on May 18, 2013, 10:30:07 AM
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I've been working lately with a dynamic couple that both work in real estate and one of the issues that seem to be creating a lot of conflict is highly argumentative people in and around the workplace.
The other day we sat down and I asked the woman "What is the biggest stress in your life right now?"
She replied with "My mother would have to be right up there!"
See her mother, like most people, has had a lot of things happen in her life that contributes to her current patterns of behaviour. I was told that she has no social filter and that she constantly runs people down and blames and then when confronted has massive arguments of which she doesn't back down... Do you know people like that?
Now I don't know about you, but I prefer to not argue with people, in fact I like to enjoy the relationships I have with others and spend my time smiling as opposed to screaming.
Though life is life and just because you don't enjoy arguing doesn't mean you can always escape it and some people are so trapped in what they perceive to be real and true that they will stand there and scream even if they are wrong...
Would being able to easily overcome this be handy?
So what I have begun to realise lately is that I rarely get into arguments and I almost always have people seeing my point of view, so I took a step back and assessed how and why this happens, what follows is what I do and it saves me a LOAD of stress... Enjoy!
Here's how to avoid/dominate an argument situation...
Most people tend to chuck statements out there pushing their view, grinding others down, doing their best to have the other person collapse into their reality, their model of the world.
Now unless you're a natural prick then this ain't always fun haha
So...
1. Remember that people are not their behaviours, accept the person and change the behaviour. Behaviour is influenced by emotion and a lot of people have a load of 'stuff' from the past that affects their emotions and behaviour now. Whatever the behaviour may be that the person is doing is not necessarily its intent - for example: somebody that gets really mad and fights a lot, fighting might be the behaviour but the intent could be to feel strong and worthy.
2. Understand that all behaviour is motivated by a positive intent, it may not be positive for you but it will be positive for the other person. Do your best to figure out what the positive intent could be and operate from that understanding.
3. Ask questions, don't make statements. This is gold; it's easier to move somebody to the place you want them to be through the use of questions and the better the question, the better the answer.
When devising quality questions, think about what the outcome you desire is and then write a heap of questions that just through the process of answering them, will have people in the mindset you want them to be!
credit to source
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ask questions..very true chief 8) ang matalinong tao daw ay nagtatanong..
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Most of the time arguements are not worth it.
Kung alam mong tama ka, and alam mo rin na hindi naman makikinig yung kausap mo, better to just walk away and let them wallow in their own little world. Ignorance is a bliss ika nga.
Di naman lagi important to show your intellectual superiority. Karamihan nga sa debates na naglipana eh google fest na wala namang katuturan just to save some fragile egos.
Nuong bata bata pa ako and medyo mainit, I always aim to dismantle and destroy kung sino man ka debate ko, sa class room, sa ibang school or kung saan. Pero as I grow older, naisip ko wtf am I doing? Who am I trying to impress? Screw this.
Minsan okay din na pabayaan mo nalang. Meh.
Kung arguement naman sa relationship, it's always good to step back and asses the situation before you go foaming at the mouth because you feel you must defend yourself, even at times defending the indefensible just so you can say you won the arguement.
Good share bro.